Thanks Colleen… never thought I’d be good enough to publish… I only started writing a few months back… but you have given me an idea worth exploring… Thanks again… 🙂
A small point, if I may. Looks like U are not obsessive about syllable counts, as the last line has 6 rather than 7. Good. But having “it” end line 2 (rather than start line 3) looks like a contortion to get counts of 7 and 5 (rather than 6 and 6) in those lines. Tho I do advocate reasonable effort toward preferred syllable counts in haiku/tanka, I would be happier with a smoothly flowing 5-6-6-7-6 than the present 5-7-5-7-6.
Hmmm. Putting “me” after “scares” would make line 5 have 7 syllables and (more importantly!) balance the “me” in line 3. That would leave it with 5-6-6-7-7, so close to the preferred syllable counts that only churls would quibble.
Lovely Tanka. You should publish a book of love poetry! Well said! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Colleen… never thought I’d be good enough to publish… I only started writing a few months back… but you have given me an idea worth exploring… Thanks again… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Big grin for the subtle humor in the title. 😀
A small point, if I may. Looks like U are not obsessive about syllable counts, as the last line has 6 rather than 7. Good. But having “it” end line 2 (rather than start line 3) looks like a contortion to get counts of 7 and 5 (rather than 6 and 6) in those lines. Tho I do advocate reasonable effort toward preferred syllable counts in haiku/tanka, I would be happier with a smoothly flowing 5-6-6-7-6 than the present 5-7-5-7-6.
Hmmm. Putting “me” after “scares” would make line 5 have 7 syllables and (more importantly!) balance the “me” in line 3. That would leave it with 5-6-6-7-7, so close to the preferred syllable counts that only churls would quibble.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks… point taken… yes, it is rather discordant ending the line with ‘it’… Will try to incorporate your feedback in future posts… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person